


Where You Invest Your Love, You Invest Your Life

by goodgollyzollie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Family Dynamics, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Serious Injuries, Time Skips, War, i would say there were extenuating circumstances, its not too sad i think, slightly ooc but bear with me, this is so self gratuitous but i'm not sorry, time era is ???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 17:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16560221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgollyzollie/pseuds/goodgollyzollie
Summary: His life isn't how he imagined it being. But it doesn't mean it's a bad life.





	Where You Invest Your Love, You Invest Your Life

“How do I look?” Tanaka asked, flexing his arm, “Cool? Dashing?”

 

Noya nodded enthusiastically. “Very cool.”

 

Tanaka strutted around the room, chest puffed out and shoulders back. His sharp, grey uniform stood out against his tanned skin starkly and made his eyes look darker. It made his body seem bigger, wider, like a building or mountain. Had it not been for the ridiculous posture, Noya would have said he looked almost intimidating. 

 

Like the soldiers that walked past their fields.

 

Tanaka grinned and straightened his collar. “My sister told me I looked like a little kid playing war. Like I got into Dad’s old uniform and started playing dress up.”

 

Noya shook his head and stood to stand by his friend. “Not at all. You look very serious. No games.”

 

Tanaka seemed to try to smile again, but it came out more like a grimace. “I leave in a week.”

 

“I know,” Noya said, feeling his shoulders drop. 

 

“It’s not forever, though.”

 

Noya clenched his fists. “I wish I could go. So you wouldn’t be alone.” 

 

Tanaka laughed, not heartily but not without humor. “I’ll be with a lot of other guys. I won’t be alone.” Tanaka sighed. “Your siblings need you here. And I need you to look after my family, too.”

 

Noya nodded slowly, tucking his chin to his chest. “I know.”

 

He wanted to say  _ I want to look after you, too _ but didn’t. Instead, he straightened up, and hooked an arm around Tanaka’s neck, rubbing his knuckles on his scalp sharply.

 

“Don’t make me cry, idiot,” he said, gritting his teeth, “or I’ll make you cry.”

 

Tanaka tried to shake him off, grabbing and pulling on whatever arm or leg he can, before picking him up entirely and throwing him over his shoulder.

 

“Oi,” Noya crabbed, lightly smacking the back of his head, “put me down, Tana--”

 

The front door burst open, and Kazuki came barrelling in. “Yuu, Etsu fell down and she won’t stop crying.”

 

Noya sighed, and Tanaka gently placed his feet back on the ground. “I probably shouldn’t tear this before I’ve even worn it for real anyway,” Tanaka chuckled hallowly, beginning to unbutton his jacket. 

 

Noya opened his mouth, to say some words of comfort maybe, but he heard Etsuko bawling in the distance and wrenched himself away to attend to his sister.

 

She wasn’t far, only just sitting in the small dirt path between the Tanaka’s and their house. Her face was beet red and covered in snot that ran down her nose to her chin.

 

“Come on,” he tutted softly, scooping her up gently, “that’s it, Etsu. Did you fall, hmm?”

 

He bounced her lightly, smoothing a hand over her wispy hair, feeling for bumps. Her sobs gradually subsided into soft hiccups, before she was squirming to be let down again. Noya set her down, watching her as she padded off towards their house with some intention in her mind. Kazuki was nowhere to be seen, but Noya could see something shifting in the grasses on the hill nearby. 

 

“Got it!” A delighted child cried, before busting through the weeds gripping something in his hand. Kazuki sprinted to Noya, shoving his hand in his face. “I got a grasshopper!”

 

“Cool,” Noya said, squatting down to Kazuki’s level, “let me see it.”

 

Kazuki opened his palm, and for a second Noya thought maybe Kazuki had crushed it. But no. The insect seemed to be a little dazed, staring at them dumbly, before it took off into the grasses once again.

 

“That was awesome, Kazuki,” he said, ruffling his brother’s hair. “Next time we’ll have to show Estu, yeah?”

 

“I can go catch another one!” Kazuki said, once again turning to go back into the weeds. 

 

“Hey, hold on,” Noya called, “I need you to run an errand for me.”

 

Kazuki sulked, dragging his feet dramatically back. “What?”

 

Noya gave him a few coins. “Run down to the Goto’s and buy a few plums and an eggplant. And be polite, I don’t want to have to apologize to Goto-san again because you ran away without saying thank-you.”

 

Kazuki huffed, blowing his bangs back from his face. A habit he’d picked up from Noya. “Fine. But Goto-san smells like boiled cabbage.”

 

“He does,” Noya agreed. “But he’s the only one who has fresh eggplant and plums. So be nice.”

 

Once Kazuki had reluctantly headed down the road, Noya walked the rest of the way to his house. Etsuko was sitting on the porch, singing something to herself while rubbing her hands in a pile of dirt she must have brought up there. 

 

Noya had only been seventeen when his parents disappeared. They had left a note for Noya, saying that they felt like they needed to fight the war in a city and that they would be back once the war was over.

 

That was two years ago. Etsuko had only been a year old, and Kazuki only five. All of them were too young to be on their own, and Noya had considered trying to move them up into the mountains where he knew he had a distant cousin. But the thought of leaving a town where he had been born and raised, where he had a job, and he had people who loved him, with an infant and small child was daunting. Especially since he would have been moving closer to the war.

 

So he stayed and raised his siblings the best he could with the help of neighbors like the Tanaka’s and the Goto’s and the Kojima's. He had a feeling that he would never see his parents again-- there had always been stints where he was alone as a child, for days sometimes, as his parents were off doing who knows what. And now that he was old enough to care for his siblings alone, they likely wouldn’t come back for years, if ever. Even if the war ended, they would find some new thing to keep them away.

 

This was fine. Etsuko didn’t remember them anyway. And Kazuki seemed happy to forget them. Noya could do this on his own.

 

“Etsu,” he said, dropping down to her level, “can you help me pick up some wood for the fire? I need your strong arms to help me carry it.”

 

He gave her some twigs to carry while he loaded up his arms, stacking them high. When he felt his arms start to shake he turned to follow Etsuko into the house, running into something solid.

 

“Oi--”

 

“Yuu-chan!” 

 

Noya lowered the woodpile enough to see Kojima-san, who was shorter than him, beaming warmly at him.

 

“Oh, hello, Kojima-san,” he said pleasantly, ignoring the jabbing pain in his arm from a piece of wood that had shifted, “how can I help you?”

 

“Goodness, boy,” she said, looking at the load in his arms, “let’s get somewhere you can set this down.”

 

Noya nodded, and lead her to the house. The door was ajar, where Etsuko had pulled it open but neglected to close it. Noya sighed. He’d have to teach her to close the doors as soon as it started getting colder.

 

He heard Kojima-san gasp quietly as they walked into the house. Noya, so focused on just getting inside to drop off his firewood, had forgotten what a mess the house was. 

 

Etsuko’s abandoned clothing, stripped off within two minutes of dressing her in it, sat crumpled in the corner. A pile of dishes sat precariously by the stove, and the futons were crammed messily into their closet and door wide open. A smear of mud, which Kazuki had left behind when he had come back from playing in puddles, coated the threshold. One of Noya’s dirty shirts was hanging over the rafters.

 

Noya flinched as Kojima-san clicked her tongue disapprovingly. He knew what came next.

 

“Yuu, you need a wife to help you keep the house in order.”

 

Noya sighed and kneeled to stack the wood by the stove as she continued. “I’m sure you try your best, but between working and trying to run a household, it all becomes a bit too much, no? A wife would certainly make your life easier.”

 

Noya sucked on his teeth quickly. He needed to shut this down quickly but politely before Kazuki returned. 

 

“Kojima-san--”

 

“My daughter is a very beautiful woman, and she cooks and cleans well, without any complaining,” Kojima-san said hurriedly.

 

_ Oh no. _ “Kojima-san, I’m flattered. Really, I am,” he said, standing up and facing her. He hoped his face was neutral because his insides were squirming frightfully. “But I really can’t get married right now. I would be a terrible husband, and I don’t feel as though I have enough in me to love another right now. Etsuko is so young, and she needs me a lot right now.”

 

“Moriko could take care of her,” Kojima-san said and raised a hand. “You don’t have to make any hasty decisions now, of course, but I just wanted to give you something to think about. Oh, and,” she reached into her bag, “I brought some cucumbers from our garden. Picked fresh by Moriko.” She passed over a couple of cucumbers and winked. “Don’t forget about her, Yuu.”

 

Once she had left, Noya let out a sigh of relief. Kojima-san was nice, and a very thoughtful woman, but every single time she saw Noya’s house she commented on his need for a wife and that she, conveniently, had a daughter who she thought would be the perfect match.

 

Noya didn’t dislike Moriko. She was nice enough and pretty, and in school, he had admittedly had a crush on her. But he didn’t like the rather empty feeling he had when he looked at her. He figured eventually he would have to get married, and maybe even to her, but he was content where he was at the moment. 

 

Well. 

 

He was content not to have to marry a woman he didn’t love, that is. He could think of one major improvement that involved Tanaka stepping into his home and staying forever. But that was a dream. A fantasy. A delusion. And that was okay, so long as he kept that in mind and never tried to follow the dream too closely at night, trying to fall asleep while Etsuko and Kazuki snored next to him.

 

He dug his fingers into his arms.  _ Just a dream. _

 

“Yuuuuu,” Kazuki droned, stepping in through the door with his arms full and stopping. “Why are you on the floor?”

 

Noya decided not to answer and instead took the produce from him. “Thanks, buddy. Now you can go play.”

 

Kazuki didn’t need to be told twice, and he bolted out the door without a glance back. 

 

“Stay within the boundaries,” Noya called after him, doubting that he heard, and started preparing supper. 

 

Life was normal for the next few days. He worked in the fields, leaving Kazuki and Etsuko under the dubious care of Saeko while she worked in the store, and returned home to find the house in a seemingly worse state than he left it. He listened to the radio once his siblings had gone to bed, waiting for signs of peace to show. He slept, he worked, he cooked, he listened, like clockwork.

 

He saw Tanaka daily. They always walked to work in the mornings together, after Noya dropped off his siblings, and walked back. Sometimes Tanaka would come to play with Kazuki if Noya was exhausted from a night of Etsuko’s sleeplessness. Sometimes he knocked on his door at night, and they talked on the porch. About the war, the crops, their families, some music they had heard on the radio. Sometimes they talked about nothing and sat under the stars until Etsuko started to cry again and Noya would have to lull her back to sleep.

 

Nothing changed until the day Tanaka was to leave.

 

Well, actually he would be leaving very early the next morning, but it was essentially his last day in the village.

 

The day was strange. The village had a half workday so that everyone could have time to visit the Tanaka’s. Noya didn’t visit during that time. He sat with Etsuko and Kazuki playing in his yard, watching the slow trickle of people flow in and out of the house across from his while mending clothes he had put off until now. Being that Kazuki was a wild kid, and not particularly graceful either, there was a lot to be done.

 

Once mending had finished, he scrubbed the house clean. Then he did the laundry. He was doing anything to keep his mind and hands occupied, so he wouldn’t be tempted to dash across the path and say  _ please don’t leave me  _ and  _ I can’t live without you. _ He couldn’t do that.

 

That night, when the world grew quiet enough to let Noya think, and sat and brushed Kazuki’s hair on the porch, while Etsuko fought sleep on the futon behind them. 

 

“Yuu?” Kazuki murmured. 

 

“Hmm,” Noya replied, gently tugging through a knot. Kazuki like his hair long, but it was a mess on days where they forgot to brush it. 

 

“Will Tanaka-kun die?”

 

“Me? Die?” 

 

The three looked up and saw Tanaka crossing through the footpath to their garden, grinning widely. “I’m too tough for that.”

 

“Tanaka-kun!” Etsuko cawed, suddenly awake and trying to stand. Tanaka laughed, and jumped up onto the porch, reaching to scoop her up. She erupted into giggles, waving her arms happily as he spun her around.

 

“Tanaka-kun, do me! Do me!” Kazuki said, springing up and trying to grab his arm.

 

Noya took the giggly toddler from Tanaka. Etsuko crashed her head back into Noya’s collarbone and sighed happily. They watched Tanaka spin Kazuki around wildly, both laughing riotously before Tanaka got dizzy and plunked them down with a thump.

 

“Tanaka-kun,” Etsuko mumbled, sleepy once again, “when will you be back?”

 

“Soon,” Tanaka said, rubbing her head softly.

 

They put both of the children to bed once Kazuki had calmed down, and sat on the porch together, thighs and shoulders touching. They had always been rather touchy-- when they had been in school, teachers were always having to separate them because they distracted each other and everyone else with their “antics.” But right now the touch wasn’t to distract or play. It was to comfort.

 

“You shouldn’t have told them that,” Noya said plainly.

 

“What? That I wouldn’t die?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, I don’t plan to.”

 

“You know how Kazuki is about promises. He’s gonna think that is a promise.”

 

Tanaka turned away from him, but Noya saw his jaw jut out. “Would it be such a bad promise if it was?”

 

“Yes, it would be,” Noya said, facing rigidly forward. “It’s not a promise you can keep.”

 

Tanaka sighed and reached a hand out to Noya. “I know. But I want to.”

 

Noya clutched his hand tightly. “I want you to, too.”

 

They sat in silence, listening to the trill of bugs and music floating through the breeze from somewhere in the distance.

 

“Noya--”

 

“Can I do something?” Noya asked, turning to face Tanaka completely. He felt his eyes burn, and skin heat up. Tanaka met him head on, eyes boiling with intensity and something else. Fear? Sadness? It didn’t matter, because he mumbled “please” and they fell into each other, all emotion.

 

It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t happy. They hadn’t professed their love for each other. It wasn’t anything Noya ever imagined it would be. 

 

However, it was calming. Every thought in Noya’s head stilled and fell quiet, and all he could think about was the soft press of lips on his, a callused hand cupping his jaw gently, and the scraping stubble against his chin. 

 

“I’ll come back,” Tanaka whispered against his mouth, “I have too much to live for.”

 

“You better,” Noya replied, “or I’ll marry Kojima Moriko to get by around here.”

 

Tanaka chuckled dryly. “Don’t tell Kojima-san that. Or she might start praying for my death.” His fingers traced Noya’s jaw, with a sort of tenderness that they rarely held for each other. “I’m scared.”

 

“I know,” Noya said, reaching to squeeze his fingers, “we’re all scared with you.”

 

“Maybe the war will end soon,” Tanaka said with a voice lilting hopefully. 

 

“Maybe it will.”

 

“Maybe it won’t, though.”

 

“Something will give soon,” Noya said firmly. “Everyone is getting tired. More than half of the crops and laborers go to the army, and the cities are starting to starve. Soon, there’s not gonna be enough to go around and something will have to change. You can’t fight a war without a nation to protect.”

 

They spent the rest of the time together listening to the radio, reports of death and injury tolls running through their ears, as well as talk of another nation joining the fray soon. Tanaka’s shoulders dropped.

 

“I don’t know if we should win anymore,” he said, standing to leave, “I don’t even know why this war matters to me.”

 

Noya didn’t respond, because he didn’t know either. He didn’t know anything past what he heard on the radio, which his parents had called pure propaganda. All he knew was that past the mountains and the great plains, soldiers lay dead or dying for a government that delivered their deaths blandly on the radio and thanked them for their sacrifices without ceremony. And that he harvested crops, days upon days, that were packed into vehicles to take to the cities and armies for people he didn’t know and never would. And he tried to shield Etsuko from everything, but Kazuki was too old to be fooled so easily.

 

“What matters,” he finally said, standing to be by Tanaka, “is that you keep yourself safe and get back to us.”

 

The kissed again, holding each other fully under the half moon and winking stars as their only witnesses.

 

“We can talk again when I come back,” Tanaka said, leaning away, “and whatever comes with it.”

 

Noya nodded then hesitated. “When do you leave tomorrow?”

 

Tanaka shrugged. “Before the sun goes up. Train leaves at six from Hirori.”

 

Noya nodded. Then punched him lightly on the arm. “For good luck.”

 

“Huh? Since when do punches mean good luck?” Tanaka asked, rubbing his arm for show more than anything. Noya scoffed at his performance.

 

“Since now. I just made it up.”

 

Tanaka grinned and punched him back. “For good luck.

 

“I don’t need good luck,” Noya said, punching his chest this time, “so take it back.”

 

“Luck doesn’t work like that, idiot,” Tanaka said, but Noya dodged his punch. 

 

Noya laughed. “How would you know? Have you ever been punched for good luck before?”

 

Tanaka scrunched up his brows. “I mean, no. But what about you?”

 

“I made it myself,” Noya said, “so I make the rules.”

 

Tanaka conceded and squeezed Noya’s shoulder. “Keep an eye on my family while I’m gone.”

 

Noya nodded and sniffed. “You don’t even need to ask.”

 

Tanaka nodded back and started down the well-worn path to the Tanaka’s. Noya headed back to his house, turning back to wave and seeing that Tanaka was already swallowed by the dark. It was for the best.

 

The next morning, when Noya woke to start the rice for breakfast, he saw the rosy sun peeking over the horizon. Strangely, it made him smile. Tanaka would be riding towards the sun, at least.

 

_ Winter, one year later _

 

“Yuu,” Etsuko called from the doorway, “there’s snow!”

 

“Oh, really?” He stepped into the room, pulling on his shirt. “Well, that’s super cool. Why don’t you find your coat and we can go outside? Oh, but close the door first, please.”

 

Etsuko jumped and squealed, chanting “Birthday snow, birthday snow, birthday snow!”

 

“Kazuki, do you want to come outside with us?” Noya asked, sticking his head into the room where Kazuki was reading.

 

“Nah,” he said, not taking his eyes up from his book. 

 

“Alright. We’ll be just outside if you want to join.”

 

Kazuki nodded absently, turning the page. “Sure.”

 

Noya helped Etsuko, who was vibrating at this point, into her coat and shoes before letting her outside.

 

“Snow!” She squawked, running to the center of the yard and dancing. It was hardly a blizzard-- there was a very thin coating of snow on the ground like a frost, and small flakes fell lazily from the sky. But, he supposed, if you have a late January birthday there aren’t normally many exciting things that happen on it.

 

She stuck out her tongue and giggled as the flakes fell on her cheeks and tongue. “Yuu, Yuu, look at me. I’m eating snow.” 

 

“I can see that,” Noya laughed. “How does it taste?”

 

“Good,” she said and gasped. “Look, look! I caught some on my coat. Look, Yuu.”

 

She ran over to him, arm stuck out. Noya bent over, pretending to be amazed. “Wow, look at that. Can you see each little flake?”

 

“Yep,” she said, leaning in close to her sleeve. “I like that one.” She nudged one with her finger, making it melt immediately. “Aww, poop,” she muttered.

 

Noya snickered. “I’m sure you can catch some other cool ones, Etsu.”

 

She nodded and raised her sleeve to the sky once again. This process was repeated a few times before Etsuko seemed to have an epiphany. “Does Saeko-san know?” She asked. “Does she know it’s snowing?”

 

“I don’t know. Do you want to go tell her?”

 

Etsuko nodded and started to bound down the path. Noya followed at a more leisurely path behind her, catching up to Etsuko when Saeko opened the door. 

 

Saeko was now the head of the Tanaka house, since her parents were too old to do repairs or work in the family dry goods store, and it seemed to be wearing on her. Her hair was limper, and her face longer. Noya knew she missed her brother terribly, too. They hardly ever heard from him since he never was one for writing, but the reports they did get were often grim and empty. It had been nearly two months since the last one. 

 

The one good thing in her life was that she did plan to get married by the end of winter. She had met a fisherman who came looking for a change of scenery, and they seemed to hit off splendidly. He now worked as a laborer for their store and made deliveries to Hirori with rations of vegetables from the Goto’s farm. He was boisterously funny and a hard worker. According to Saeko, it was all she had ever wanted.

 

Noya was ecstatic for her.

 

“Look at that,” Saeko said, looking up at the sky, “so it is. That’s pretty special, huh? And on your birthday too.”

 

“You remembered!” Etsuko said, jumping up excitedly. 

 

Saeko laughed. “Of course I did. How could I forget with you reminding me every day last week?” She glanced up and saw Noya. “Hey, I have something you might wanna see,” she said, lowering her voice a notch. “Hold on.”

 

She ducked inside. Noya felt his body tense up. Etsuko swept some snow up into a small pile.

 

Saeko reemerged and passed Noya an official looking envelope. “This came in this morning,” she said. “You can read it inside if you like. I’ll watch Etsuko while you do.”

 

Noya nodded and slipped inside the Tanaka’s house. The envelope looked as though it had been torn open quickly, and the paper shoved back inside messily. 

 

_ Dear Tanaka Saeko or head of the home, _

 

_ We regretfully inform you that Tanaka Ryuunosuke, of the 65th Division, has been injured on January 10, _____  in the line of duty for our country ______. He has sustained an injury to the left eye and right arm, which may be amputated should the need arise. There is no threat to his life at the moment.  _

 

_ He has fought bravely for his country and will be granted general discharge once he has recovered from his injuries.  _

_ The _____ government thanks him for his sacrifice for our country. _

 

_ Grand General Nomura Takeshi _

 

_ Chief Advisor Morita Kaito _

 

_ His Royal Highness King Ishikawa Osamu _

 

Noya felt the paper turn to lead then to a feather in his hand.  _ Injured but not dead _ . It was simultaneously the best and worse news he had hoped to hear. He’d be back, sure, but what would he be like? Would the war have turned him into something unrecognizable? Would he even want to be back? Noya had heard stories of soldiers in Hirori hanging themselves once they came home, unable to live as they once had. New fears filled Noya now, different than those when he had left.

 

When he went back outside, he saw Saeko sticking her tongue out with Etsuko and catching snowflakes on it. She turned to him and retracted her tongue. “Not so bad, eh?” She said, walking over to stand next to him. “Could be home in a couple weeks.”

 

“Yeah.” Noya kicked a pebble. “What’ll he be like, you think?”

 

Saeko shrugged. “Dunno. He could be fine. Just have the normal stuff.”

 

“What’s the normal stuff?” Noya asked. Saeko crossed her arms.

 

“Well, my dad doesn’t like small dark spaces or loud bangs. If someone drops something in the shop he jumps sometimes,” Saeko said, then her face darkened. “He also gets terrors at night. Big ones that wake us all up. Not every night, but most. Says it feels like someone’s sitting on his chest and all he can smell and see is blood and smoke.”

 

Noya shuddered. “D’you think it’ll be like that? For him?”

 

Saeko looked over at Etsuko. “Who knows. The war treats everyone differently, I think.” Etsuko rubbed her runny nose on her coat.

 

“Yuu, I’m cold. Can we go inside?” She plodded up to him, lifting her arms to be carried. Noya sighed and ducked down.

 

“Oooff, you’re getting heavier,” he said, popping her on his hip and turning to Saeko. “Well, if you need anything just come on over. You know where to find me.”

 

“Sure thing,” she said, opening her door, “and I’ll keep you updated.”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Noya trudged back to his house, Etsuko leaning to catch snow on her arm to look at. “Etsuko,” he said, “when we get back it’s time to take a bath.”

 

“What-- no! It’s my birthday!” Etsuko complained. Noya rolled his eyes.    
  


“You still haven’t taken a bath in three days.”

 

“But Kazuki--”

 

“Kazuki and I will take baths too, don’t worry. You just get the first one.”

 

Etsuko pouted but seemed to concede. “When’s Tanaka-kun coming back?” She asked, smooshing her face into Noya’s shoulder.

 

Noya sighed and kissed her head. “Soon, Etsu. Maybe very soon.” 

 

She perked up, staring into his eyes intensely. “Really? You mean it?”

 

“Yes,” he said, setting her down to walk the rest of the way herself, “but I don’t know when.” 

 

He’s not sure if Etsuko heard him since she was running ahead and calling out for Kazuki. Noya huffed out a laugh and paused outside of his home. It was small, sure, but it was warm and cozy, and the garden Kazuki wanted to plant last summer sat to one side of it. A small spire of smoke floated from the chimney, and inside he could hear his siblings laughing. The large tree in the yard cast a shadow on the porch in the hot summer days. A rope swing hung from a branch, which Kazuki always asked Noya to push him higher and higher on, and in turn, Kazuki pushed Etsuko on it.

 

Everything about it was his and what he wanted to it be. Sure, maybe the leak in the roof over the bath was less than ideal, but it was for him and his family, which made it perfect.

 

That night, Noya asked Kazuki to read to him. He was not ungrateful for his job in the fields, and it was work that he didn’t hate. But he wanted his siblings to do better than getting wages at the end of the day based on what work was available that day. It started with making sure they knew how to read. It was a skill he had, but only for basic words. There had been large gaps in his education where his parents hadn’t been around and so he fell behind in classes since he had to work to get food. As a result, he dropped out to work full time when he was sixteen since he was a year or two behind most of his classmates and it didn’t seem worth it to him to go.

 

He didn’t want this to be the case for Kazuki or Etsuko. So he had Kazuki read out loud to them, and let Etsuko look at books from his own childhood that he found stashed away, even if she couldn’t read quite yet. Saeko dug up a few books that she and Tanaka had and gave them to him once she found out Kazuki had read all his books three times over.

 

“Don’t refuse, Noya,” she said firmly. “It’s not like we’re using them.”

 

So he had no choice but to take them since there was no arguing with Saeko.

 

He did his best with raising his siblings. Or at least he tried to. Sometimes he saw their snarled hair or patched up clothes and felt like maybe he could do better. They were never hungry which was the only thing he could ever guarantee for them, but was it enough?

 

“Yuu? Are you listening?” 

 

“Huh?” Noya snapped back to reality, where Kazuki was frowning at him and Etsuko was giggling. “Sorry, bud. Go ahead.”

 

Kazuki gave him another disapproving glare, then turned back to his book. 

 

“The fox said to the old man…”

 

_ Early spring _

 

News of Tanaka’s return didn’t reach Noya’s village until nearly two months later.

 

Noya was in the fields, sweating in the unusually warm weather and exhausted from a long night of Etsuko being unable to sleep. He was only twenty-two, yet he felt like his body belonged to someone much older. 

 

“Nishinoya,” Goto barked, “you got a visitor.”

 

He glanced up and saw Saeko standing with Etsuko at the top of the bluff. He nodded apologetically to Goto, who just rolled his eyes and went back to counting radishes. Noya scrambled up the side of the bluff.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked hurriedly and glanced at Etsuko. “What’d you do, Etsu?”

 

“No, no, nothing like that,” Saeko said, smiling. Etsuko burst out “Tanaka-kun is coming back! Saeko-san got a letter!”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

Saeko sniffed and threw her arms around Noya. “He’s coming back, by next week. I just got the letter.”

 

“That’s-- that’s great,” Noya croaked, gripping her back tightly. 

 

“He’s blind in his left eye and apparently he did have to get his arm amputated,” she whispered, “and there was an outbreak of cholera at his hospital so they had to delay all releases. But he’s coming back.”

 

Noya felt overwhelmed and overjoyed and frightened beyond belief. But most of all, he just needed to see him, feel him, be with him again.

 

“Boy,” Goto yelled, “somebody better have died for you to take this long.”

 

Noya let go of Saeko and rubbed his eyes quickly. “Bring your family by tonight. I’ll make something for us.”

 

Before she could protest he was sprinting down the hill back to his work, where he swore he worked faster and harder than he had since his parents left.

 

The next week was the longest week of his life. His work was excruciatingly dull, and he came down with a mild fever that made sleep at night a mere fantasy. Not to mention Etsuko was having a recurring nightmare after she heard a report of a particularly hard battle, so he was up at all hours with her. And of course, the wait for Tanaka’s return weighed heavily in all aspects of his life. Any time he was awake, he was thinking of him. Was he safe? Was he healthy? Did he want to come home?

 

One afternoon, when Noya came back from picking Kazuki up from school and Etsuko from Saeko, he collapsed on the floor. His fever had broken the night before, but his body was tired from a week of sickness and not much rest, meaning he quickly fell asleep with a promise of waking up after a quick nap.

 

However, hours later he woke to Etsuko shaking him violently and Kazuki kicking his feet.

 

“Yuuuuu,” Etsuko whined, “get uuuuup.”

 

Noya grumbled, sitting up slowly. “I’m up, I’m up. What time is it?”

 

“Late,” Kazuki said. “We were thinking you died.”

 

“Ack,” Noya said, standing up, “I’m sorry guys. Haven’t gotten a lot of rest this week.”

 

Etsuko crossed her arms, chin jutted out. “I’m hungry. I want supper.”

 

Noya brushed past them. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. Kazuki, can you get a bucket of water from the well?”

 

Kazuki crossed his arms, mirroring Etsuko. “I don’t wanna.”

 

“Come on,” Noya pleaded, “I need to start the rice.”

 

Kazuki shrugged. “Tough. I would have been ready an hour ago.”

 

“Then you should have woken me up an hour ago,” Noya said, tying a scrap of cloth around his head to hold back his bangs. 

 

“We tried,” Etsuko pouted, “but you told us to leave you alone.”

 

Noya did not remember that. “Well, I’m sorry for that too. But, Kazuki--”

 

“I need to do some homework,” Kazuki said, turning and walking away. Etsuko followed him with a sniff. Where did they get this irritating sass from?

 

Gritting his teeth, Noya grabbed the bucket and slipped on his shoes, grumbling. “Since when do you do your homework without me asking you one million times--”

 

He threw open the door and was greeted with two ghosts from his past entering the yard.

 

“Yuu!” His mother called, opening her arms. His father smiled warmly beside her, eyes shining.

 

“You look so grown up,” he said, as they quickly closed the space between them. Noya firmly shut the door behind him and walked towards them.

 

“Oh, Yuu--”

 

“Get out of here,” he growled. They stopped, arms and eyes wide open.

 

His father chuckled. “Look now, son, I know we haven’t been the best parents, but we can work it out.”

 

“Keep your voice down,” Noya hissed. “Etsuko thinks you’re dead and Kazuki would hate to know you were here.”

 

“Yuu, don’t be ridiculous,” his mother simpered, taking another step forward, “why would he hate that?”

 

“Same reason I do.” Noya set down the bucket and crossed his arms. “This isn’t your home anymore. It’s mine. And I don’t let strangers on my property.”

 

His father smirked. “That’s just silly. You can’t own this property.”

 

Noya barked out a laugh. “How old do you think I am?”

 

“They don’t give property over without the consent of the original owner,” his father said, stepping forward with an air of danger, “which is me.”

 

“This is too much for me,” his mother said, trying to rush past Noya, “I want to see my children.”

 

“They’re not yours,” Noya said, grabbing her arm and forcing her back. “I’m the legal guardian of Kazuki and Etsuko.”

 

“No,” his mother sobbed, “you c-can’t do that. You- you have no right, Yuu.”

 

Noya felt a vein pulse in his neck. “I think you’ll find, in the court of law, it’s you who have no rights.” Noya stalked up to them until he stood chest-to-chest with them. “Once a homeowner leaves their home for over a year, and leaves no indication of their return, the house’s rights are passed those who currently are of age and are related to the original owner. And it was easy enough to argue you two as unfit parents and I got custody pretty quick. It’s a good thing you abandoned us two days before my birthday.

 

“There’s a warrant out for both of your arrests, so I’d get going if I were you.” Noya stepped back and picked up the bucket. “And don’t bother coming back or I’ll get you for trespassing too.”

 

“Yuu,” his father said slowly, “your mother and I were doing what was best for us all. We were fighting to end this horrible war. You can’t thank us like this.”

 

Noya cut his eyes to them. “What have you done that’s worth thanking? Soldiers are still dying or dead. Etsuko has nightmares about the war. Kazuki missed school for a week because his teacher’s brother was blown up. Tanaka lost an eye and an arm. People are starving because farmers keep getting drafted. And the war still goes on.”

 

His mother, who had been crying silently through all of this, rared up. “How dare you! We have been working day and night to fight this. We’ve sacrificed sleep and health for this country.”

 

“So have I,” Noya said coldly, “so has everyone. You’re not special. You’re just part of the machine. And a bad cog, since you forgot your original job is to take care of your family.”

 

“Why, you little--” his father raised a hand when the door rolled open and a shaft of light fell across the yard, Kazuki’s form outlined.

 

“Who is it?” Etsuko’s voice drifted to their ears. Kazuki’s shoulders stiffened, then relaxed. “It’s nobody. Noya’s just talking to some rats or something.”

 

“Eww,” Etsuko whined, “close the door! Don’t let them in, Kazuki!”

 

“Yuu, hurry up,” Kazuki called, “stop messing around. I’m hungry.”

 

“Yes, yes, I’m coming,” Noya replied, and the door shut with a little more force than necessary. Noya turned back to his family. “See? They don’t want you coming in.”

 

His parents seemed to be shocked into silence. “Was that Kazuki? And Etsuko?” His mother whispered. 

 

“Get out. You’re not welcome.” Noya said firmly. “I’m not in the mood for this, and I have hungry kids to feed.”

 

His parents looked like they wanted to argue, but his father finally sighed. “This isn’t over, son. We’ll be back.”

 

“Can’t wait.”

 

He watched them retreat into the night, slouched over and defeated. Noya made a rude gesture at their backs and walked over to the wellhead.  _ Next time they come, I’m sending Kazuki to get Saeko.  _

 

When he got back inside, Kazuki was sitting at the table with Etsuko, who was drawing on a piece of paper. Kazuki met his eyes briefly, and he saw a spark of something in them, but it was quickly suppressed. He huffed and turned back to his workbook. “Took you long enough.”

 

Noya rolled his eyes and walked over to them. “Sorry. I’ll whip up something quick.” He leaned down and gave them each a hard kiss on the head.

 

“Hey,” Kazuki protested weakly, swatting him away. Etsuko laughed and grabbed Noya’s hand. “Do we have pickled radish?” She asked, grinning up at him charmingly.

 

“We might,” Noya said, ruffling her hair. “I’ll see what we have.”

 

“Yaaay,” she sang, turning back to her drawing. 

 

The rest of the evening was pleasant. He was able to find pickled radish for Etsuko, tucked back behind a few dishes. Once they all were happily full, and Noya heard the final pot of water boiling for the bath, Noya scooped up Etsuko. “You need a bath, stinky little oni.”

 

“Hey!” She squeaked. “I do not! And I’m not an oni.”

 

“You’ve got mud in your hair,” he said, “so either some little trickster is playing a game, or you got into a puddle today.”

 

“Fine,” she said, going limp and heavy in his arms. “Carry me, slave.”

 

“Oi,” Noya said, and Kazuki cracked up. Noya turned to him. “You’re next.”

 

Kazuki rolled his eyes and picked up his book. Noya sighed and carried Etsuko to the bath. “Get undressed and tell me if it’s too hot or cold,” Noya said, walking back to the kitchen to get the bucket of cold and the pot of hot. He heard a faint ‘blip’ and a squeal. 

 

“Too hot, too hot, too hot,” she said, poking her head out of the bathroom. “Too hot.”

 

“I heard. Now get undressed, please.”

 

“Ugh.” 

 

“Please, Etsuko. You can have another piece of radish when you get out.”

 

That seemed to motivate her because he heard her clothes hit the floor before he came in with the cold water. He dumped it in unceremoniously, and she stuck her hand in. 

 

“Perfect,” she announced and hopped in. She dunked her head under and came up gasping. “I forgot to plug my nose,” she croaked and coughed on Noya’s chest. “Can I wipe my face?”

 

He passed her a towel, and she rubbed her eyes. She passed it back, and Noya grabbed the bar of soap to wash her hair. He rubbed around her head, as she tried to squirt water with her hands. “Kazuki showed me how to do this,” she said and pressed her hands firmly together. A plume of water shot straight at Noya’s chest. She did it again before he could stop her and got hit in the chin. 

 

“Etsu-- stop, Etsu,” he groaned. 

 

“Stop being mean, Yuu,” Etsuko whined. 

 

“I’m not. You’re getting me wet.”

 

“Oh. Sorry.”

 

Noya gave her the soap. “It’s fine. Wash your body, please.”

 

She splashed around in the water, running the bar over her arms, and somehow managed to get Noya even wetter in the process. Then she started to sing happily, even as she dropped the bar in the tub. Noya couldn’t help but smile. 

 

This was the sort of thing his parents had given up. They would never hear Etsuko sing or hear Kazuki read. They wouldn’t be there to see all the things he got to see, and he hoped they knew it. He hoped they were stewing right now, miserable and hopeless, knowing that Noya meant it when he said he would turn them in if he saw them again. Maybe they would be gone by now, away from this town who didn't like them any more than Noya did. 

 

“Noya,” Kazuki called, “someone’s at the door.”

 

“Huh?” He tried to stand up, but the floor was slippery from where Etsuko had splashed. “I’ll get it, give me a minute.”

 

Kazuki didn’t listen, and he was already opening the door before Noya could even stand up. “Tanaka-kun?”

 

“Tanaka-kun?” Etsuko screeched, standing up. “Is he here?”

 

“Oi, listen, Etsuko--” Noya tried to get her sitting down again while craning his neck to see. He couldn’t see the door directly from where he was sitting, but he heard a familiar rumbling voice say “Hey, Kazuki!”

 

_ Oh. Oh. _

 

“Tanaka-kun!” Both Kazuki and Etsuko yelled, Etsuko scrambling over the edge of the tub, suds still in her hair and her shoulders. Noya grabbed her slippery body and threw a towel over her shoulders before she slid through his hands, dropping the towel in the doorway. He stood up, feeling as though each moment was an eternity, and walked to the door.

 

There he was. A wave of affection hit him as he gazed at the one he had held in the back of his mind for the past year and a half. He was just as tall as he remembered, just as solid and strong. His face was somewhat scarred, and he had a patch over his left eye, and his right arm was concealed under a sleeve that was sewn shut. But it really was him, and he was standing in his home. His dark eye glanced up from his siblings and fell onto Noya. He grinned, and two steps later he had his arms around him and face in his hair. 

 

Noya gripped him back, nails digging through his clothes and face in his shoulder. Just breathing each other in. “Welcome back,” he whispered, feeling one of his siblings at his side and another hugging their waists. 

 

Tanaka didn’t say anything back, but he pulled back enough to kiss him, full and hard. And Noya kissed him back. He heard Kazuki gasp and Etsuko make a confused noise.

 

“Wait, you two are married?”

 

Noya tried to ignore them both but smiled despite himself. Tanaka smiled back, and they dissolved into giggles. Etsuko huffed angrily.

 

“What? Why are you laughing?” She asked. Kazuki snorted. “What, Kazuki? What the poop is going on?”

 

This made everyone crack up, even Etsuko who seemed unsure why she was laughing but never one to miss out on a good laugh. Once everyone calmed down, she popped her hands on her hips. “So? Yuu, are you married?”

 

“No, I’m not,” Noya said, and went to pick up her discarded towel. “Put this on, Etsu. You’re gonna get cold.”

 

“I just don’t get it,” she muttered, throwing up her hands.

 

Kazuki rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to be married to kiss, Etsu.”

 

This only seemed to confuse her more, because she smacked her head and turned to go back to the bath. “I just don’t get it, Yuu. Also, can you wash the soap off? It’s itchy.”

 

Noya apologetically glanced to Tanaka, who nodded and turned to Kazuki. “So, my sister tells me you have all my old books. Which ones have you read?”

 

That night, when Etsuko and Kazuki became unable to keep their eyes open, Noya and Tanaka sat in the kitchen with the door leading to the main room closed.

 

“So, you didn’t marry Kojima-san’s daughter,” Tanaka noted, looking around the room (which was in a terrible state.) Noya shrugged.

 

“Not for her lack of trying, but yeah, no.”

 

“I see.” 

 

They heard Kazuki sigh in his sleep. Tanaka smiled fondly. “I’m glad he got my books. The closest thing to a little brother I’ve ever had.”

 

“He loves them. He’s always reading. I’ve set aside some money to buy some new ones for him, but for now he’s rereading the book of legends,” Noya said, smiling. “Thank you for them. “

 

Tanaka shook his head. “I don’t like how formal you’re being with me.” Tanaka leaned in. “Loosen up, Noya.”

 

Noya laughed, giving him a light nudge. “Sorry.”

 

Tanaka leaned back in. “Or we can get really informal, really quick if that’s easier.”

 

“Tanaka, you just got back,” Noya said, trying to keep himself from grabbing him and never letting go. Tanaka scoffed. 

 

“Why should that matter? I know who you are,” Tanaka said, “and you know who I am. That’s all that matters right now.”

 

“Shouldn’t we talk?”

 

Tanaka groaned. “Noya, I did not wait nearly two years to have some long boring conversation about out feelings right when I got back. And I know you didn’t either.”

 

He had a point. Noya was not in the mood for talking, and he had never really cared about doing the proper thing first. All the talking, telling Tanaka about what had changed and stayed the same, about his parents, about their feelings could wait because it was much nicer and easier to do what felt good. 

 

So Noya conceded, and he grabbed Tanaka by the shirt front. They literally crashed into each other (Noya misjudged the angle) but neither cared, because everything was screaming  _ go go go go go! _ And hands were everywhere but their lips were slow and sensual, drinking each other in. Noya felt Tanaka’s teeth on his lip, a bit too hard and fast, but he didn’t care. He had been waiting for all the pleasure and pain for too long. 

 

He felt Tanaka pulling him closer, and Noya broke them apart long enough to straddle Tanaka’s lap. It was very uncomfortable, and he knew Tanaka was leaning against the hard wood support. But it didn’t matter because Tanaka trailed his mouth along Noya’s neck and shoulder, pulling back his shirt as Noya pressed them closer. 

 

He ran his fingers over Tanaka’s scalp, dragging his nails down his neck to his back. Tanaka groaned, low and reverberating, and recaptured Noya’s mouth.

 

This kiss was open mouthed and hot, and Tanaka dragged his hand across Noya’s lower back. The space between them was minimized even more and Noya arched towards him. 

 

“Tana--” His thought was swallowed by a gasp when Tanaka moved his lips and teeth to his earlobe.

 

“Yuu,” he breathed, before running his teeth ever so lightly over it.

 

Noya tried to think if the last time he had felt this sort of urgency when kissing someone. Maybe it was never, because the way Tanaka kept repeating his name between kisses and bites down his neck made something deep and wild stir in him, crawling its way up his throat that made him want to sob or scream. Instead, he pulled back and stripped off his shirt without a second thought, hands and thighs quaking with whatever emotion made him feel as though the world were twisting itself on its axis. 

 

They had seen each other shirtless countless times. Farmers during the summer rarely even bothered putting one on in the morning. But in the low light of his house, it meant something else. And they both could feel it. 

 

Tanaka took it in a stride, lifting up Noya’s body so he could suck and bite his chest. Noya covered his mouth to muffle whatever sound tried to slither up his throat, straining to listen for sounds from the other room. He heard nothing but soft, even breathing over his hammering heart. 

 

Tanaka pulled him back down, sealing Noya’s mouth with his own and running a hand through his hair. He tugged just enough to incite a gasp, which Noya bit down harshly.

 

“Ryuu,” he moaned, bringing his lips down against his cheek. Tanaka shivered and rolled his hips up. Noya groaned through gritted teeth but pulled back. “We can’t,” he panted, “we can’t go further than that. Not with…”

 

Tanaka nodded and dropped his hand to his waist. “I know.” 

 

They sat awkwardly for a minute, both trying to regain their bearings and breath. Noya, unsure exactly what the etiquette for this sort of post-kissing-your-best-friend-but-not-now-maybe was, pecked his lips again and swung his leg back over. “Where’s my, um,” Noya asked, and Tanaka passed him his shirt, “oh, thanks.”

 

“No problem.” 

 

Noya shuffled back into his shirt, and Tanaka straightened back up. 

 

“Can I spend the night?” He asked. Noya stared at him. “Not like that, just like, um-- yeah.”

 

“Isn’t your family expecting you?” Noya asked. Tanaka shrugged. 

 

“I told them I might not be back tonight. They saw me all day, so they don’t need me there tonight. Besides, they’re all asleep.”

 

Noya scratched his head. “Well, I mean, I guess. We don’t have any extra futons though, so you’ll have to share with me.”

 

Tanaka grinned. “Ah, damn. That’s too bad.”

 

Noya grinned back. “Yeah. A real bummer.”

 

They turned off the light and tiptoed into the room where the kids were sleeping. Tanaka and Noya slipped into the already rather modest futon, and Noya felt Tanaka rest his hand on his hip. 

 

“So, um,” he whispered, “sometimes I do get nightmares about, um, war stuff. Not too often,  but if it happens you can just shake me. I normally wake up pretty quick. And, uh, sorry if I do.”

 

“Don’t apologize for that,” Noya murmured harshly. “It’s not your fault.”

 

Tanaka seemed to nod and reached for Noya’s face. “Whenever I felt like giving up and leaving, I thought of you and Kazuki and Etsuko and my family. I just saw your eyes and heard you saying ‘don’t die, don’t die.’ I felt like Etsuko was holding my hand when I was alone. I thought I saw Kazuki running off into the grasses to look for bugs whenever we passed a field. They made it easier to get by.” He gulped. “And I, I saw you when I closed my eyes. I always saw your eyes. It was like you were with me, always. No matter what I did, you were with me.

 

“I did things I’m not proud of. I did things that I hate myself for. Sometimes I wanted to kill myself.” Tanaka took a shuddering breath in. “But I remembered my promise and I did what I was told. There came a point where I didn’t feel human, but I was alive. After I got my arm and eye blown out, the pain made me human again. In a sick way, it felt like, I don’t know, like I deserved it.”

 

Tanaka sighed. “I only ever killed one person. Some guys had to kill so many, they weren’t human anymore. Nothing brought them back.”

 

Tanaka fell silent and Noya felt his hand slip down to his shoulder. “When I was in the hospital, they said I should see a doctor about it. There’s one in Hirori, so I want to try going to her. I want to feel fully human again.”

 

Noya squeezed his arm. Tanaka squeezed back. “But for now, I just wanna sleep with you.”

 

They drifted off, breathing in sync and facing each other.

 

Etsuko woke up at some point, so Noya woke up to lull her back to sleep.

 

“What happened to Tanaka-kun’s eye?” She asked, “And his arm?”

 

Noya rubbed her back soothingly. “Sometimes bad things happen.”

 

“Was it a bomb?”

 

“I’m not sure. You shouldn't ask him right now, though. The war makes him sad.”

 

“The war makes me sad, too. And scared.”

 

Noya nodded, even though she had her eyes closed. “That’s okay. That’s normal. But you’re safe here.”

 

They heard a shifting and a faint huff from the other side of the room. Tanaka jerked himself up, gasping. “My arm,” he gasped, “where’s my arm?”

 

Noya stumbled over, grasping Tanaka’s shaking shoulders tightly. “Tanaka,” he said lowly, “you’re safe. You’re in my home. You’re not in the war anymore. You’re safe.”

 

Tanaka met his eyes, and gulped, seemingly regaining lucidity. “Oh, oh.” He ran his hand over his right arm. “Oh, right. Safe. Sorry to wake you up.”

 

“It’s okay. I was already up with Etsuko.”

 

“Etsuko?”

 

“Yeah,” she piped up, now sitting at watching them, “I get nightmares sometimes and I wake up. Sometimes I just wake up, though.”

 

“She’s got insomnia,” Noya explained and glanced back at her. “Lay down, Etsu. Do the breathing.”

 

She did as she was told, and filled the room with exaggerated breathing. Noya ran his hand down Tanaka’s back, but he waved him off to Etsuko and sat with his head bowed. Noya walked back to Etsuko and resumed rubbing her back. Soon, her breathing became less deliberate and she dropped off. Noya shuffled back to Tanaka and sat down next to him.

 

“I didn’t know she had insomnia. Thought she just woke up sometimes,” Tanaka whispered. Noya shrugged. “Why would you?”

 

“There’s so much I don’t know about them,” Tanaka mumbled.

 

“You’ll learn, Tanaka,” Noya assure him, “if that’s what you want.”

 

“I want to know everything about them,” Tanaka said, “if you’ll let me.”

 

Noya laid down. “Well,” he yawned, “Etsuko likes blue and Kazuki likes orange.”

 

Tanaka laid down next to him. “Tell me more.”

 

“Etsuko likes to sing and dance around the house. She makes up songs about stuff she sees or what she feels like. Kazuki reads to us at night sometimes and gets mad if he thinks I’m not paying attention. They both love plums and hate peaches…”

 

Noya listed facts until he felt Tanaka’s body relax and breathing slow.

 

_ Autumn _

 

The months seemed slower now. A peace treaty had been signed and people were rebuilding their lives. Tanaka was one of those people. He saw a doctor every week and while the progress was slow, he began to regain lucidity quicker after night terrors. He still had trouble walking in open fields, or areas that were lined with trees, but it was a start. 

 

Kazuki’s birthday was small, but he invited a few of his friends over and for once Noya was able to clean the house in time. But he didn’t have to do it alone. 

 

Tanaka moved in soon since Saeko and her husband were already in the Tanaka house. Tanaka claimed it was weird to see his sister married but pretty much everyone saw it as an excuse to live with the Nishinoya’s since he declined to be rehoused in a vacant house offered to him by the town council.

 

Noya’s parents never came by again. Perhaps they believed Noya and knew that they wouldn’t be able to get their house or custody back. So they never tried. The only ones who knew they ever came by were Noya, Kazuki, and Tanaka, so really it was something that was really best lost to the sands of time.

 

Noya and Tanaka both worked in Goto’s field again, side by side. Goto was sympathetic to Tanaka and was rarely harsh about his performance. Noya got no such reprieve but he did get the extra crops that were too ugly to sell, which wasn’t too bad.

 

At the end of one day, while Etsuko played in the leaves in their and Kazuki went hunting for salamanders with a friend, Noya sat on the porch and leaned his head against Tanaka.

 

“I’m glad you moved in,” he said. Tanaka smiled down at him and pressed a quick kiss to his head.

 

“I’m glad you let me move in.”

 

“I mean it, Ryuu,” Noya said seriously. “You make this house so much more like a home.”

 

Tanaka sniffed. “Ah, well. I mean Kazuki and Etsuko would grow up pretty lonely with only their big brother for company.”

 

“Are you crying?” Noya asked, picking up his head. Tanaka turned away.

 

“No,” Tanaka said. Etsuko looked over at them. 

 

“Ryuu,” she called, “why are you crying?”

 

“Hah!” Noya barked. Tanaka elbowed him.

 

“It’s nothing, Etsu. Just got a little dirt in my eye is all.”

 

“Lying to children now, are we? Very uncool.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Kidding, kidding. Love you.”

 

“I love you too. And I’m happy to be part of your family.”

 

Noya reached up and turned Tanaka’s head towards him, smiling softly. “It’s our family. All of us together.” 

 

He leaned in and kissed him and the sun seemed to shine brighter in the warm autumn sky.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that PTSD is very complex, and I tried to do my best to represent it based on personal accounts and articles on it. Yet if I have made a grievous mistake, please let me know! Also if I missed other things that need tagging, let me know.
> 
> That being said, I really enjoyed writing this. It was closer to what I was planning to write when I started Just Promise Me and I am feeling a bit better about the structure of it. I'm sorry that it doesn't focus quite as much on the relationship between Tanaka and Noya, but that was more or less my intention. And I understand that the characters act vastly different than they are in canon, but I extrapolated based on the situation I put them in.
> 
> I also tried to write both Etsuko and Kazuki well, based on my many experiences of being a camp counselor (five years) and as a babysitter, as well as from watching videos of my sister and me as children. I love sibling dynamics and I wish I could have tapped into the potential of examining that further based on their circumstances, but that would have been far too much to subject anyone to. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read this much of my rambling.
> 
> tumblr - goodgollywrites


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